I can feel myself giving up. Letting my imagination take over. I already know what's going to happen. Just trying to keep my head on straight.


Edit: Feb 3, 2012


Fuck, I'm psychic. This was one day prior to the day Leah broke up with me.

I wonder

where I went. I wonder how all these things inside my head turned into demons I can't seem to get rid of.


I wasn't afraid before now because I didn't think about it. Now I'm afraid I'm not enough. I'm not skinny enough. Athletic enough. I don't dress the way you like. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not interesting enough. What if? I wish I could make you love me the way I love you, I wish I could make you want me the way I want you. Because the truth is, when I say I love you more, I know it's true, I'm not just trying to one up you. Now it feels like I can't feel you.

Feel myself giving up. Just a little bit. Tired.

1/1/11

So many memories. All left in last year. Let's make this year amazing. I have so many things left to learn.

I'm so unhappy.


I made a map today - of my unhappiness, it just keeps growing. And now it's a maze.

Save Him

I'm listening to Justin Nozuka. Have been for the last hour - the same song on repeat. So good.


Tumblin'

Waiting for Leah to wake up.

Good god I can't wait until Friday to see her, I feel like I'm going to go crazy.

Just one more reason to slit my wrists




For some reason I feel like writing a rap song, I could be like Kid Cudi or Eminem

Naw.


But I just had to urge to.

Tired. Confused. Frustrated.

Castine

I would have stayed if I could.


My god, I really am not the same anymore. But it's a good thing.

Hmmm.

So I totally forgot about my journal and I haven't written in it in a longggg time so I'm probably going to do that tonight. I'm listening to my i-pod right now which I haven't done in about 2 weeks - WEIRD! I'm sad tonight. But I know why. It's alright. I'll get over it.

I'm a little afraid because I'm sensing some terrible Deja Vu going on here. Please, please don't let it be.


Lately my mind has been consumed with thoughts of a beautiful girl who lives much too far away. But I'm really excited because she's driving 2 and a half hours just to come visit me on saturday. I don't know how this even happened - this thing between us. It seems almost instantaneous when I think about it now. There's so much to think about.



And I don't feel good.